Helping Your College Student from Home

The shift to college is a major developmental leap — not just for students, but for parents too. It’s a time full of pride and possibility, but also uncertainty and emotional whiplash. Your relationship with your child is changing, and it’s hard to know when to step in and when to step back.

Here are four ways to support your college student from home. 

1. It’s Normal if They’re Not Having the Time of Their Life

College is often framed as the best time of your life. But for many students, the transition is stressful, disorienting, and lonely. Even if they were social and successful in high school, college requires new routines, new supports, and a whole new environment. It’s normal to feel out of place — and it doesn’t mean something is wrong.

Give it time. Offer a listening ear instead of solutions. And know that it’s possible to thrive in college and still feel homesick or unsure.

2. Stop Persistently Reminding

This is a time when natural consequences shape behavior. Acting as a constant reminder of responsibilities exacerbates stress and drives procrastination. Instead, shmooze with your child. Tell them what’s going on in your life. And if you want to lean toward change, ask your child if there’s something they’d like an accountability partner for — and let them lead the process. They might even want to create that system with their friends.

3. They’re Not the Only One Who Feels Disconnected

College is a lot of change all at once. And for students who struggle to form relationships quickly, it can lead to feelings of disconnection, disappointment, and loneliness. If your child is putting pressure on themselves to make close friends right away, it might only increase the feeling that something’s wrong.

Help them name their experience without problem-solving it. Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is acknowledge their loneliness and sit in it with them, without trying to fix it.

4. You’re Adjusting Too

You’re not just watching your child go through a life transition — you’re going through one too. Whether it’s your first child off to college or your last, this shift can stir up a lot: pride, guilt, sadness, uncertainty, and anxiety.

This is all normal. There’s no perfect way to parent an adult child — only ways to stay connected, available, and human.

Takeaway

This stage of parenting calls for presence, not perfection. If your child is struggling, you don’t need all the answers — just a willingness to be in it with them. And if you find yourself struggling too, that’s not a failure. Many parents benefit from a few supportive sessions of their own to navigate this transition, assess what’s getting in the way, and build confidence in how to show up — not forever, but for now.

At Behavioral Care Center of New Jersey, we offer dedicated parent sessions to help you stay grounded, responsive, and connected during this new chapter.