Talking About Suicide: Why Conversations Save Lives
- BCCNJ Team
- Sep 20
- 3 min read
September is Suicide Prevention Month, a time to clear up some of the most damaging misconceptions about suicide. One of the most common fears parents and young people share is that talking about suicide will somehow make things worse. Many people worry that even bringing it up could “plant the idea” in someone’s mind.
The truth is just the opposite. Research — including the work of psychologist Thomas Joiner in his book Myths About Suicide — shows that talking openly and honestly about suicide reduces risk. Speaking with your child helps to create a safe environment where your child feels comfortable to ask questions and allows you to dispel any misinformation they may have. It can break isolation, ease shame, and open the door to help.
The Myth: “If I bring it up, I’ll make them suicidal.”
This myth is powerful because it comes from a place of love and fear. Parents want to protect their children, and teens don’t want to worry their families. But silence creates distance. It leaves people alone with their pain, unsure if it’s safe to share what they’re really going through.
The Reality: Talking Helps
As Joiner explains, people at risk for suicide often give signals — in what they say, how they behave, or in sudden changes in mood. Asking about those signals does not increase the chance of an attempt. In fact, it shows care. It communicates, “I see you, I hear you, and I’m not afraid to listen.”
When someone is feeling hopeless or overwhelmed, a supportive question can be a lifeline:
“I’ve noticed you seem really down lately. Have you been having thoughts of hurting yourself?”
“Sometimes when people feel this stressed, they think about suicide. Has that been on your mind?”
These questions don’t create suicidal thoughts. They give a young person permission to share what may already be there — and that opens the path toward safety and support.
Other Myths About Suicide (and the Truths Behind Them)
Joiner also challenges several other common myths:
Myth: Suicide happens without warning. Truth: Most people show signs — talking about death, withdrawing from others, changes in sleep or mood. Paying attention makes a difference.
Myth: People who talk about suicide won’t actually do it.Truth: Talking about suicide is one of the clearest signs someone is struggling. Words matter, and they’re an invitation to check in.
Myth: Suicide is just an impulsive act.Truth: While it may look sudden, most suicides involve planning. Prevention works best when support comes early, before things reach a breaking point.
Myth: If someone really wants to die, nothing can stop them.Truth: Many people who survive a suicide attempt go on to live meaningful, fulfilling lives. Suicidal crises are temporary — help and hope are possible.
Why This Matters for Families
For parents, this means the most protective thing you can do is not avoiding the topic — it’s making it discussable. For teens and young adults, it means that telling someone you trust about suicidal thoughts is not a burden — it’s an act of courage.
A Path Forward
Suicide is preventable, and a life worth living is possible. Treatment works. Families can learn new ways of responding together. At BCCNJ, we use evidence-based approaches like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) to help young people and families understand intense emotions, interrupt crisis patterns, and build healthier connections.
Big feelings don’t go away overnight, but conversations create hope. Talking about suicide doesn’t make it happen — it makes healing possible.
If you’re concerned about your child, or if you’re a teen or young adult struggling with thoughts of suicide, reach out. A supportive conversation could be the first step toward reducing risk. If you or someone you love is in immediate danger, call 911. For urgent support, you can dial or text 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7.
Below are some resources below that may be of help.
Resources about speaking with your child about suicide
A resource about how to talk to children who have been impacted by suicide: https://nctsn.org/resources/talking-to-your-child-about-a-suicide-death-a-guide-for-parents-and-caregivers